By: Joni Boyd
In Australia, we have 5 million grandparents – and over the decades, their role has significantly changed.
So, how important are grandparents, now that society is so different?
According to leading psychologist, writer and public speaker Dr. Michael Carr-Gregg, grandparents are absolutely vital.
“The intensity and complexity of grandparenting has changed,” he said. “They have to be across technological development, educational changes, neurodiversity, and sexuality.”
Contrary to the old stereotype of grandparents being technology-averse, many are now active users of social media and digital tools.
“Mick Jagger is a grandparent and indeed has great-grandchildren,” Dr. Michael said, challenging the outdated notion that all grandparents are frail and sedentary.
As grandparents live longer and are more active, their potential to influence and support their grandchildren becomes increasingly significant.
There are a few things grandparents can do, Dr. Michael says, to build resilient relationships with their grandchildren, while navigating all the ups and downs of family life.
Understand and support each grandchild’s unique ‘spark’
One of the best things about the being a grandparent, is the privilege of helping find and nurture your grandchild’s passions.
“The most important thing is to find out their thing, their spark, what gets them up in the morning,” Dr. Michael said.
Whether it’s art, sports, or another hobby, involvement in these activities strengthens the bond between generations and enhances the grandchild’s sense of self-worth.
Celebrate milestone moments
As a grandparent, it’s really important that you’re present during significant milestones.
“Document and record the milestone moments,” he said, highlighting events like birthdays, school formals, and holidays as key opportunities for bonding.
At a recent family event, he observed grandparents playing an active role: “The grandparents turned up, were most welcome, and really documented through video and photographs, this milestone moment.”
This involvement not only strengthens families but also provides children with a sense of continuity and stability.
Respect their parents’ authority
It’s a recurring theme: how to manage the delicate balance between getting involved, and overstepping boundaries.
It’s vital for grandparents to respect the parents’ authority and decisions, Dr. Michael explains.
“Respect the parents’ parenting style, rules, and boundaries, even if you don’t agree with them,” he said.
This mutual respect prevents potential conflicts and ensures harmony within the family.
Stay on top of screen time
Technology is one of the biggest challenges for grandparents, Dr. Michael explains.
And while grandparents are more tech-savvy than ever, they still grapple with managing their grandchildren’s screen time.
He recommends syncing with the parents’ rules: “Negotiate with the child’s parents what the rules are around screen time, and then basically replicate them in your own home.”
This unity is essential for maintaining consistency (and harmony) between households.
Supporting grandchildren with additional needs
When it comes to grandchildren with autism or ADHD, the role of a grandparent can be particularly impactful.
“The job of a grandparent is to celebrate diversity, to recognize that, for example, ASD affects one in every 100 Australians,” Dr. Michael said.
Grandparents can become essential support figures by offering consistency, understanding triggers, and creating safe spaces for their grandchildren.
Handling family disruptions
In situations involving divorce or separation, the grandparent’s role takes on an added layer of complexity.
Dr. Michael advises grandparents to “remain neutral” and not take sides. Their primary focus should be on the grandchild’s emotional wellbeing.
“Provide a reframe and try to focus on the good things,” he said.
This emotional support can help mitigate the psychological impact of family disruptions, reinforcing the grandchild’s sense of security.
While it can be challenging, being a grandparent is an amazing opportunity. By actively participating in grandchildren’s interests, marking significant events, respecting parental boundaries, and guiding them through life’s challenges, grandparents play a pivotal role in fostering resilience and emotional stability.
“Inside every life transition is an invitation to grow,” Dr. Michael said. “So, accept the invitation.”
Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.
Feature image: canva
About the Author: Joni Boyd is a writer, based in the Hawkesbury Region of NSW. She is passionate about the power of stories shared, to transform lives.