By: Laura Bennett
We all know the pain of poor communication, whether it’s that friendship that never recovered because you misspoke, or the marriage forever on egg shells because you’re just not “getting” each other and end up in fights.
Erwin McManus is an author, speaker and pastor who’s world-renowned for his communication coaching.
He recently put a framework around seven frequencies of communication he’s observed in people to help us better connect with each other.
“Communication is both an art and a science,” Erwin said in our interview. “A lot of times people want to learn different techniques and skills and methodologies, [but] I think communication is so much more about our essence. It’s an extension of our person.”
What are the ‘Seven Frequencies’?
‘The seven frequencies of communication’ include the Commander, Challenger, Philosopher, Seer, Maven, Healer and Motivator – all shaped by our cognitive traits.
The Commander tends to give directives quite clearly and operate in a more forceful manner, whereas the Motivator or Healer speak in a way designed to uplift the hearer and be more focused on how what’s being said impacts them.
“There are some very common communication frequencies that you do hear from all the time,” Erwin said. “Especially if you watch social media, if you listen to professional communicators, if you listen to people who are really influential in their ability to pass on information.
“But there are some other frequencies that are less common, but perhaps even more impacting.”
In an Era of Division, Communication is Key
Erwin agrees communication is fundamental to human connection, and in an era of heightened exposure to division and tribalism, being able to speak well – and listen well – is vital to creating it.
“Being a great listener opens you up to great learning,” Erwin said.
Our tendency is to stick with people like us “99 percent of the time” but that’s not helpful.
“Human beings feel more comfortable feeling they’re in the majority,” Erwin said. “So we surround ourselves with people who agree with us so that we feel validated. One of the great human experiments is to open your life up to people who completely disagree with you and find a way to be friends with those people.”
Choose Your Words Wisely
We’re not always going to say the right thing at the right time, but having an awareness of the power of our words and choosing how we use them matters.
The Bible tells us “the power of life and death are in the tongue [Prov 18:21]” so why did God make words so important?
“It’s part of our original intent,” Erwin said. “We’re created in the image of God, and the imagery in the Bible [shows] that God created through speaking. His words had the power to create [and while] we can’t speak the external world into reality, when you speak into someone’s inner world, it actually shapes their reality.
“Maybe I can’t speak a word and create a planet, but I can speak a word and bring hope and meaning into someone’s life.”
Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.
Feature image: Photo by Mimi Thian on Unsplash
About the Author: Laura Bennett is a media professional, broadcaster and writer from Sydney, Australia.