By: Michelle Nortje
Emotional regulation can be tough, especially during adolescence when things feel even more intense. But managing your emotions isn’t about ignoring them; it’s about understanding and working with them.
Here’s a simplified, four-step process to help you navigate challenging emotions and feel more in control when emotions get big.
Step 1: Regulate the Body
When emotions come up, your body usually responds first, often before your mind catches up. Start by pressing pause and tuning towards your body and what you notice happening inside it.
Where do you feel the emotion? It could be in your jaw, chest, stomach, or even your hands. Do you notice tension, a racing heart, or changes in body temperature?
Ease the tension: Once you locate where you’re holding the feeling, try to soothe that area. Some things that might help include:
- Chewing gum or yawning
- Drinking cold water or sipping warm tea
- Practicing deep breathing or taking a moment to stretch
- Moving your body through exercise, walking, or even dancing
Mindfulness can be a powerful tool here. Simply acknowledging the sensations and giving them space to exist can help release built-up tension. The goal is to calm your physical response so you can handle your emotions more effectively.
Step 2: Name the Feeling
Once your body is a bit more regulated, the next step is to identify the emotion you’re feeling. Naming the emotion gives you some power over it.
Be curious: Instead of pushing the feeling away, accept that it’s there. Label it without judgment—are you angry, sad, anxious, or frustrated?
Explore triggers: Ask yourself: what might have triggered this feeling? Was it a specific event, conversation, or stressor? Understanding why you’re feeling a certain way can help you make sense of it and guide your response.
Approach your emotions with kindness and compassion. It’s normal to experience a variety of feelings, sometimes all at once! And there’s definitely no shame in experiencing any of them.
Step 3: Express the Feeling
Bottling up emotions often seems to just make them feel stronger, so it’s important to release them in healthy ways.
Channel your feelings: Express what you’re going through, whether that’s by talking to friends or family, writing in a journal, or using art, music, or movement. Hobbies and creative outlets can be powerful ways to let emotions out safely.
Avoid harm: While expressing feelings is crucial, be mindful not to channel your emotions into harmful activities, like hurting yourself or others. Find outlets that are constructive and safe.
Sharing your experience with someone you trust can also lighten the emotional load, reminding you that you don’t have to carry it alone and that others often experience similar emotions to us.
Step 4: Understand What the Emotion Is Communicating
Every emotion has an important message—it’s your body’s way of signalling a need.
What’s the need behind the feeling? For example, if you’re feeling lonely, the need might be for connection. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you might need more boundaries, planning or a pause.
How can you meet that need? This is where you take action. If you need connection, can you reach out to a friend or family member? If you need boundaries, can you say no to something that’s adding too much stress to your life?
By understanding the root cause of your feelings, you can take steps to meet your needs in healthy ways, without having to push tricky feelings aside.
Emotions can feel overwhelming, but with practice, you can also learn to manage them in a way that feels empowering. By practising these four steps—regulating your body, naming your feelings, expressing them, and understanding their message—you’ll build emotional strength and self-knowledge. Remember, you’ve got the tools within you to handle even the toughest emotions!
Article supplied with thanks to The Centre for Effective Living.
About the Author: Michelle Nortje is a psychologist who works with a range of age groups and mental health issues, using Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT), Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Positive Psychology, mindfulness-based approaches, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), Attachment theories and psychodynamic theories.
Feature image: Sourced from Unsplash